DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
