one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
