a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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