omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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