so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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