I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
