i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
