I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
