Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry my hands just texted you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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