I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
