we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
