You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
