so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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