i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
