just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
