I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
