So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
