Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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