Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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