apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
