Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
