hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize