Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
