What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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