She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize