good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
