My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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