He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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