So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
