what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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