I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it glows. i had to have it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
