She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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