I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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