My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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