I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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