i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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