and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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