I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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