I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
