My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
