but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
