His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
