i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
