are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
PANTIES FOUND
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