I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
