there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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