You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
