I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
