no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize