We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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