oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
