I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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