Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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