We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
