Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
