I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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