Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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