gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
