my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize