dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
