He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
