So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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