I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
