HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
