the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
