"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
