he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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