I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
