Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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