I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The air was thick with penises
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
